I Went to the Desert Hoarse With No Brain…

While I was going through outplacement services at Lee Hecht Harrison (wonderful folks by the way), I remember one of the facilitators using something  called “fear inflation”.  It was a technique where you would take an anxiety and speculate on the worst possible result, and then would laugh at your fear because the worst possible result was ridiculous.  Addressing the length of time one could be unemployed, he said “Think about it taking 12 years to get another job, and you’ll laugh, as that’s ridiculous!”  Being almost 1/6th of the way there, doesn’t seem so ridiculous now.  “Hoos loffing now?” Arnold Schwarzenegger taunted me in a dream recently.  “We are at you, Mr. Govern-ator, and your 17% approval rating,” I replied.  Then he was holding me by an ankle over a cliff, like Sully in “Commando”, but fortunately my wife’s snoring woke me up…that was close, too close.

I took a seminar on branding, how to market myself.  What was my “brand” going to be?  I was told I was just like a can of pork and beans now, something that had to be marketed and sold.  I always thought of myself as a John Wayne-type, rugged and manly – not armed with words but with actions – sort of like John Wayne in “The Quiet Man”.  I was a guy that could always be counted on to get the herd to market – or in the case of “The Quiet Man”, Maureen O’Hara to give it up.  “A leader who gets things done, on time, on budget, and right the first time.”  I was proud of that last line of my professional summary.  Turned out I was really playing John Wayne in “The Conqueror” in the role of Ghengis Khan, captured and taunted by my enemies:

ENEMY LEADER: What have you to say now, Ghengis Khan?

JOHN WAYNE: Words fail me. I am bereft of spit.

(One of the great bad movies of all time, with John Wayne in his classic drawl giving the order “Take the Mongols and the horses around the back” and William Conrad of “Cannon” fame stuck in a window and saying “My strength betrays me.”  Bill, too many buffets betrayed you buddy, not your strength.)

My impression is “getting things done” has not been a top priority of American business since the economy tanked.  There aren’t many herds being driven to market, and the ones that are have no Cookie manning the chuckwagon – the boys are cooking their own beans when they camp at night.  But it does seem to be turning around.  Some friends I’ve made through networking have gone back to work, the buzz seems to be positive about job prospects in general.  If this is 10% unemployment, that this country endured 25% unemployment during the ‘30s is boggling.

What I do know for sure is that Jesus promised the Father would take care of our daily needs, and that is happening for me and my family.  It’s amazing how much money you don’t need when one spouse is home cooking and taking care of the house, and not burning gas commuting and eating $10 lunches at Longhorn’s every day.  And 35 lbs lighter than the day I walked out of my last job, I look pretty darn good in a French maid’s outfit too.

What does the future hold?  I don’t know, but it’s pretty exciting.  I just know that by committing myself to the Father’s will and loving and believing, the next job’s going to be great, virtue of Romans 8:28 “We know all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.”  It may not be my ticket to early retirement and doing things like retirees typically do – skateboarding and skydiving and the like – but it will be something special no matter what it is if I abide in Jesus Christ.

God Bless us All!

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4 Comments on “I Went to the Desert Hoarse With No Brain…”

  1. big bob Says:

    oh Tom…”the Conquerer”??

    a veritable treasure trove of awful lines!

    > “While I live, while my blood burns hot, your daughter is not safe in her tent. “(you have to respect his honesty, anyway…)

    > “I feel this Tartar woman is for me, and my blood says, take her. There are moments for wisdom and moments when I listen to my blood; my blood says, take this Tartar woman.” (I’m a big fan of listening to my blood…however, more often times than not, it says “cheeseburgers…”)

    > “Joint by joint from the toe and fingertip upward shall you be cut to pieces, and each carrion piece, hour by hour and day by day, shall be cast to the dogs before your very eyes until they too shall be plucked out as morsels for the vultures.”… (uh…okay…anger management, perhaps??)

    > “Dance for me, Tartar woman.” (I must confess to actually having used this line in an inebrieted mating ritual of sorts…with surprising results, I might add)


    • Besides John Wayne – certainly a worthy candidate for the Ethnic Casting Hall of Shame – the choice of Nicole Kidman-like complected Susan Hayward as his Tatar bride is almost as sublime. What MST-3000 could do with this piece of epic celluloid I guess we’ll never know.

  2. Janeen Says:

    Great stuff big brother! I second the thought that you should take a look at writing an editorial column for a newspaper! I enjoy reading your stuff! God Bless You!

  3. Mike Says:

    See I told you, the same thing your sister told you. Submit ye scribe to the newspapers!


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