Random Thoughts

Varying thoughts on some items mostly late in the news cycle: yeah, I missed my deadline, and J. Jonah Jameson was pissed, but since I’m him in this blogging exercise, screw him!  Hey, wait a minute…

THE SUPER BOWL

Great game, but how creepy would it have been if the Steelers had won, and it was Ben Roethlisberger instead of Aaron Rodgers saying “I’m going to Disney World!”.  Do let us know when you’ll be there Big Ben, so we can keep our daughters safely at home.  My son Matt asked the mainly rhetorical question “Is there an athlete in professional sports outside of major league baseball relief pitching and sumo with a higher body fat percentage than Ben Roethlisberger?”  Not an attractive man; it’s a shame James Harrison doesn’t play for somebody else so he can get a $75,000 fine pole-axing him.  All that said, if he played for the Browns I’d probably have his Fathead on my basement wall.

My favorite commercial was the Bridgestone beaver, because nothing is cooler and more entertaining than talking animals – or animals that chest thump then give you the thumbs up.  Disney learned its lesson with “Pocahontas”.  They departed from the talking animal formula and went with a fey talking tree voiced by Linda Hunt, which was a huge mistake, even bigger than the Browns drafting Tim Couch.  Sadly Pocahontas – who definitely made my cartoon hot babes “top 5” list (along with Teela from “He Man: Masters of the Universe” and Betty Rubble) – couldn’t save that movie for me.  My least favorite was either a soda or beer commercial, where a guy gets hit in the genitals by a high-velocity can.  What is it with guys in commercials?  We are like Catholics in the media, safe to assault in any way.  Normally our low IQ cluelessness is highlighted, although blows to the crotch are considered high points of any comedy today.  Memo to all you screenwriters, ad copyists, and movie directors out there: a man taking a potentially disabling blow to his sexual organs really isn’t funny.  It was funny in the original “The Longest Yard”, when Burt Reynolds pegged a blitzing Ray Nitchske with a football, but it was original then and besides Nitschke had it coming.  But enough with the crotch shots already.  There’s probably a crotch shots movie montage out there on YouTube somewhere, and I’m not looking for it.  A hot chick did take a potentially skull-fracturing shot to the head from a Pepsi can, but that was all about reparations, so it was justified.

EGYPT

I guess that is turning out as well as we could hope.  I’m not Secretary of State material, but it just seems to me supporting a brutal dictator is not a good long-term strategy.  It makes you kind of cringe when you hear one of our politicians bloviating about the virtues of freedom and democracy.  I can’t imagine the Council of the Free Peoples meeting and Elrond telling the King of the Dwarves that it’s best for Middle Earth stability if his people remain under the thumb of Sauron.  There a joke here somewhere about dwarf-tossing, but let’s move on.

WINTER’S BONE

Excellent movie, highly recommend it.  A lot of the cast were locals of Forsyth, MO deep in the Ozarks, and they were excellent.  I have a great idea: the CIA should set up a bogus Al Qaeda training camp there to lure aspiring terrorists, and once they are there they will be taken care of by the locals.  This movie makes the mountains of Afghanistan look like Six Flags.  When one of these people tells you “Ahm only gonna tell you wunst!”, they really mean it.  If you like the FX series “Justified”, you will probably like “Winter’s Bone”.  All I can say is the denizens of Forsyth, MS make the residents of Harlan County, KY seem like cuddly Wal-Mart greeters.

VALENTINE’S DAY

My beloved got me one of these, and it’s something I sorely needed all these years.  I put mine on the “Yoda setting”.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezVib_giTFo

 

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One Comment on “Random Thoughts”

  1. buckeyefan Says:

    Great read as always. You make me laugh with your analogies ad yet, make me ponder some of your insights. Thoroughly enjoy your blog!


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